Bless you, Beth, you can do this. I have you and the others in my prayers, too. Here’s something to look forward to and to hold out your hopes for: I’m going on a 10-day vacation on Thursday and I never gain weight on vacation and I never worry about gaining weight on vacation! The reward of eating as a naturally thin person is freedom and isn’t freedom worth the investment of time and the discomfort of gaining weight?!
A decade ago I got hearing aids and they are so annoying. I complained a lot until an audiologist told me to focus only on the benefits, how they help me hear better. I know this isn’t a really good analogy but maybe just keep your eye on the prize. I admire your perseverance.