We forgive one little offense at a time.  Any memory that causes a stab in your heart is a candidate.  “I forgive my mother for bringing one measly apple to share.  I know she means well.”  It helps to remind yourself that although she did read the book, she still doesn’t get it and you’re going to walk this path without her for now.

The more you forgive, the lighter your load will be.

*hugs*

Hi Jenny,

I guess the way to get through to forgiveness, for me at least, is to feel the depth of the wrong, but then choose to let it go.  If I don’t feel it and grieve it, it’s very hard for me to genuinely forgive.  Sometimes all it takes for me is to genuinely grieve something and then I find it no longer has a hold on me.

I genuinely know my mom loves me and simply wants the best for me.  That her way of showing it is hurtful makes me sad.  But then again, I haven’t confronted her about it either.  I have, in the past, said to her, “Look mom, I’m not ever, ever, EVER going to diet again.  Dieting has only made me fatter.  It doesn’t work, and I don’t want to be asked about it anymore please.”  It worked.  I didn’t announce upon arriving at home that I was doing NT and that it was absolutely imperative that I eat when I was hungry until I was satisfied.  I think she might be more supportive if I had talked it over with her.  But…I just couldn’t yet.  I’m not sure why not.  I think for her, the only way that something is worth doing is if the net result is thinner, not fatter.  So I’m waiting until the thinner starts to talk to her about it. 

I’m mainly proud that I didn’t use her comments as an excuse to become mean myself (except in my mind-ha).  I don’t think she means to be mean.  I know her history too…and her overweight has been very, very painful for her.  Her brothers were pretty merciless while she was growing up. 

I think it’s our whole cultural approach to size and beauty that mainly needs to change.  My mom is a victim of it as much as I have been.  I spent last summer in the South Pacific islands, and there, the attitude towards size is anything from neutral (large is just another way to be, and doesn’t detract from a person’s attractiveness) to positive (bigger is better).  It was both refreshing and healing for me. 

Sooner or later, the rational wins, if we let it.  We have to acknowledge the hurt, grieve the loss, set good boundaries (which I failed to do, but will work on for next time), and forgive our parents.  I’m 43 now, and I have to say that I have a lot more objectivity towards them than I used to.  And a lot more compassion.  They were young and clueless when they had me.  They did their best with what they had to work with.

Beth Ann

I’m moving to the South Pacific.

No kidding!  “Bali Hai, Bali Haiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!”  Thanks for the support Beth and Annual. =)