Thanks, ANNUAL, for the suggestion.  I only now just read it.  I did have a merry, peaceful, and joyful Christmas.  I enjoyed what I ate, and I did not go hungry… nor did I ever find myself uncomfortably full.  I did eat some pleasure foods, and they tasted good.  I also ate some real foods, but that was not so easy as most of what was offered was at best borderline.  However, food was neither the highlight nor the lowlight of the day.  Food was simply part of the occasion… not my favorite part, but neither did it interfere with my having a wonderful day.

Thankfully,
Ela

Hey Annual! 

I was reading older posts for inspiration today, and saw this one about your frustrating plateau.  Did you start losing weight at last?  Or are you still in “the waiting place” as Dr. Seuss would say?  That’s at least 18 months doing NT, right?  You’ve been so thoughtful and interested in my posts the past weeks… please let me know how your journey is going. 

Jen

Wow, good timing, Jen!! Just yesterday I was feeling really bad about myself.  I’m still up here on the plateau and actually gained another couple of pounds, which is NOT making me happy, as you can imagine.

Truthfully, although I started in July of 2009, I wasn’t really doing it right until Jean clarified some things for me in November of 2010.  So maybe I’ve only really been at it for six months.  (I tell myself that to keep from getting discouraged.  Which isn’t quite working.)

I’ve remembered a couple of things others have said about taking a look at my fat intake, but back in November when I mentioned to Jean I was thinking about cutting back on butter and salad dressing, she thought I sounded like I was “holding back” and not fully investing myself in the program, so I just kept eating what I wanted from the quality foods list.

In the way of encouragement, I can see that my food desires have changed significantly, and I’m very good at taking care of my appetite when I get hungry.  I try to eat very little pleasure and borderline food, but I wonder if I’m being diligent enough with my food choices.  I had chocolate ice cream the other day because I absolutely wanted it, and a big fat bran muffin yesterday while out erranding, and I wonder if I excuse my choices too easily.

Or maybe I’m being too hard on myself and it just will take more time.  I’m really, really uncomfortable and not liking the way I look at all.  I’ve gained so much weight even my GLASSES are tight.  That’s horrifying.

Thanks for asking.  If anyone has any suggestions or encouragement, I’m open!

Annual - this is a question that completely confounds me, and I can’t quite feel my way through to the answer: what’s the difference between “controlling borderline and pleasure foods” and “cutting back on fat and sugar”, other than the first one promotes NT and the second one sabotages it?  I know there’s a fine line there, but I can’t quite find it…

I think Jean would answer that a quality diet is lower in fat and sugar and that each person needs to determine for herself how much fat and sugar is acceptable without creating a quality famine.  Each body is unique.

Noel has told us how she cut back too much over the winter and suffered ill consequences for it.  Swan did the same thing when she was losing - she cut back too much fat and started craving pleasure foods.  It seems if you cut back too far, you swing out of balance the other direction.

And maybe saying “controlling borderline and pleasure foods” is the wrong point of view; maybe we should be seeking to eat the very best food we can every time we eat.  That makes it sound more like freedom and less like rules.

Shortly after I posted last, my computer and I got a virus and we were out sick for almost a week while the IT doctors waved chickens and burned sage.  I really wished I’d been able to log here, cause I am still struggling big time and needed an e-hug.  I upgraded to my “fat” pants a while ago, and the other day I put them on and the pockets stretched open - how big am I going to get before this trend turns around? I think it was annual who said in another thread, it takes courage to change.  I try to tell myself, I’m not fat, I’m brave :-) (brave little smiley face) but man, I sure wish brave came with smaller hips!

-  I certainly am eating when hungry and never late, although sometimes if I’m out running errands I might eat too light and then fall into grazing when I get home.
-  I sometimes don’t realize I’m full until too late, but I’m working on that.  Suggestions?
-  I try to eat quality food, although I still reach for a bite of chocolate or a couple of chocolate chips in the evening, about once a week.  And one morning I had ice cream for breakfast, although it was about 3 spoonfuls - that one container of b&j’s lasted almost two weeks between three people!  (that’s a good thing all by itself!!)

Any and all suggestions (and encouragement) would really come in welcome right now!

Well, gosh, Matty!  I actually think you’re doing just perfectly!  This is a tough, tough program, and you don’t master it in a hurry.  Well, maybe some people do, but most of us don’t.  You are paying attention and learning what works and what doesn’t and where your trouble spots are, and that is fabulous!  Remind yourself that your body is doing what it is designed to do, and your pants might not be designed to do the same thing (get bigger and then smaller), so you might need some more pants.  THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.

Really.  You’re doing extremely well.  Keep doing it.

Hi Matty,

Get more pants! This will take awhile and you want to be comfortable and not obsessed with pants. Get them big and loose so that you can breathe. Get nice ones so you like how you look. Take care of your appearance every day. Then, like Jean says, “get a life.” Find something important to do while you are becoming naturally thin.  Every day write down something you are grateful for. I, for one, am grateful I’m not one of those poor people who post on the diet forums about how many calories deficit they are living with.

It’s a process, it takes many seasons, and there is no instant gratification. One of these days when you look back, you’ll have a wealth of experience to share with others who are starting out. The weight gain is hard if we are judging ourselves and thinking everybody is looking at us and judging us, too. I have learned that probably others are not judging me! They’re too busy thinking I’m judging THEM!

You are doing just fine, girlfriend. Like my friend says, “put on your big-girl panties” and hang in there!

Hugs and friendship,
Noel

I feel ya Matty!  Last July I was wearing size 4-6 pants.  Now i’m in 16-18.  So obviously there have been MANY trips to buy new pants! I may be the NT record-holder for most sizes purchased!  So I feel your anxiety.  The first trips were totally demoralizing. But I couldn’t deny how much better I felt in the new loose pants.  It never got “fun”...but each trip got a little easier, a little more surrendered. 

Annual, I finally picked up “Hungry” by Crystal Renn.  Thanks for the recommendation!

Jenny

I wish they had those pants - the ones that get bigger and then smaller.  How cool would that be?

Jenny.  You are my hero.  That has taken enormous courage.

Where do you live Matty?  We could go pants shopping together.  I really am going to have to bite the bullet and do it in about…2 more pounds.  And since I have let my bras out to the last hook (and I started on the first hook), I shall probably have to get new ones of those soon.  Yay! 

I just keep reminding myself of those darned grizzly bears who gain (almost to the calorie) the exact amount they need to survive hibernation (Swan mentioned this once and it’s also in BOOFJ).  My body is just trying to take good care of me, and while I’m not exactly grateful, I can certainly choose to be understanding…

I think I’ve finally broken through to a new level of NT (maybe?)  I’ve been agonizing over the weight gain, and I keep having this recurring vision of walking into a work meeting and having an old boyfriend show up and say “wow - you’ve put on a ton of weight!”  Then all of a sudden this morning my inner NT kicked in, and I could hear myself say, “Yes I have - don’t I look great?  Now that I’m not sick any more, I just love the way I look!” 

I’ve been smiling all day - my cheeks hurt!  Tonight I’m hitting the mall with a friend and buying myself a pair of white capris - next size up, please!  Beth, I’m in NJ - you’re welcome to join us:-)

Just wanted to say thanks to each and everyone one of you for being there!

I love that attitude!  My very first post here was about a dream I had.  Sometimes you don’t know what you know and your deep inner parts have to clue you in!

Enjoy the shopping!

Beautiful, Matty!

Yay!!