I heard about Jean’s books a few weeks ago and have now read both.  I have started to apply the principles to see what happens.  It was scary at first because of the fear of gaining more weight.  I am up about 30 pounds from what I weighed before I went on my first diet which was quickly followed by my first binge after which a feast and famine cycle began and has continued to some degree for about 30 years.  There were about ten years when it was dramatic… violent even… forcing my body to starve, fast, diet severely, and vomit after which feeling forced by my body to binge and then start the cycle over….  repeating it again and again and again.  By the grace of God, after much prayer… my own and others for me… the VIOLENT feasts and famines ended… first the vomiting, then the starving, then the fasting, THEN the bingeing…. IN THAT ORDER.  Even though I only wanted to stop vomiting and bingeing… it has seemed to me for some time that the starving and the fasting had to go BEFORE the bingeing could stop.  It makes sense to me in retrospect.  Still I have longed to be able to eat little to nothing ... to not be bothered by food prep, clean-up, shopping, etc.  I still think that I should be able to live on prayer, meditation, and wholesome thoughts/activities with little to no food.  It hasn’t happened yet.  So it seems that I still need help with the whats, whens, hows, and how muches in regards to food and eating every day.

Since the violent cycle ended, off and on, over the years, there have been periods of some variation of disturbed eating.  I continue to pray and request that others pray for me.  I keep seeing progress as I trust my prayers to be answered and they are.  My relationship with food and eating is progressively becoming more and more peaceful and joyful. 

I read these books because one of my prayer partners read NT and told me that she had benefitted from it.  So I checked it out.  I keep thanking God everyday for these two books and for the opportunity I have to read them.  And now to start to apply the principles.  I admit I am still skeptical because it goes so against the very strong commonly held beliefs that one has to begin eating less and exercising more in order to lose weight and keep it off.  I have made such a value out of eating less that whenever encouraged, I have stretched it to the limit, and found myself making up for it later… usually in the evenings ... sometimes with tv to distract me.

I intend to keep praying and if possible keep applying the NT principles.  I question “Am I eating enough?  too much?  Am I really hungry?  too hungry?  Is this tiredness or thirst or tension from inactivity mimicing hunger?”  I DON’T KNOW. ” When will I know?  Will I ever know?”  Since support is one of the suggestions in the books, I am hoping the NT forum is a source of support.  It appears that it has that potential. 

If you are reading this, Jean, THANK YOU so much for sharing your story and your experience and your suggestions in the books and on the website.  Thank you for the strength, compassion, and understanding you express.  Thank you for all the encouragement to “not worry.” 

For any of the contributors to this forum reading this entry, thank you for participating in this community of support for anti-dieting.  I am so very, very grateful to all of you.

Bless you all with peaceful, joyful eating and thinking today and always!
Ela